I’ve always said as a rule of thumb: you never TRULY know a person until you’ve had your first disagreement…..think about that…….
Sounds simple right? listen to this: everything is amazing when things are going smoothly but a relationship’s strength and the test of two individual’s cohesiveness isn’t truly tested until adversity hits. Why? Because problem solving is one of the most challenging things that not only you do in life but more particularly in a relationship…….with another person…….whom which you’d like to potentially combine lives with in the future. There’s few things to pay attention to when that bump in the road occurs:
HOW a person reacts to the situation.
What emotion/tone prevails during this reaction? Is it anger, Is it sadness? Is it condescending?
Does the person listen to and ACKNOWLEDGE your feelings?
Does the person take ownership in THEIR mistakes or do they deflect?
Does the person put in the required energy to fix the problem?
Speaking for the women, many of times of course we are upset about the ACTION that took place but fellas what upsets us even more than that action is how our feelings are met by our man. We become upset when our feelings are downplayed and not taken seriously. We become upset when the words “I apologize or I’m sorry” hasn’t been said. We also become upset at the tone he is giving…if you mess up you don’t have leg to stand on to show anger as a response. Humbleness is the key to being received well. How willing of a teammate your mate shows is a clear indication on if you will be able to maneuver through life together. After entering into a relationship you have to start thinking as a “team” versus “self” which is the only way you truly can be in a relationship/marriage. If you are always thinking of “I” then compromising is the last thing on your mind and we all know relationships are about COMPROMISING.
Now lets say you’ve answered the above questions with all negative answers right, what can you conclude? Does that mean this person is not a good match for you? Possibly.
I also say that EVERYONE is teachable……when they want to be. You can most certainly try and teach that person what you need from them , how you’d like to be received and what are the best practices for YOU. It is up to that person to listen, take heed and show a change during the NEXT problem; oh yes you will most definitely have problems that need to be worked through in the future. Now if this person just isn’t willing to learn then that is a sure fire indication that they aren’t ready for the type of person you are NOR are they ready for a relationship. They need time to mature or find someone they like more in order to want to learn/change.
So lets recap how to work through a problem:
ACKNOWLEDGE their feelings and the problem
APOLOGIZE if necessary
You will learn if a person is worth fighting for and fighting with after that first disagreement. TRUST ME! You may decide that he/she may not be for you and THAT’S OK, sometimes two people aren’t meant to be together and that truth may not come out right away. Respectfully end things and keep it pushing.
– A Sophisticated Hussy