I find myself puzzled , in a place I sworn to never be in once again. The doubts, the questioning, the uncertainty of it all….the crazy part is that I’ve walked this bumpy road countless times and yet I STILL expect a different view.
We’ve all been in the “situationships”, the “Fuckships” the “lets go with the flowships” haven’t we? Only to be reminded of why we implemented a standard of treatment in the first place. You blink and you realize you lowered that standard at some point in time, you accepted less than what you want and deserve and now you feel unful-FUCKING-filled. What I noticed now from being older and being more aware of “self” is that what a woman truly needs from a man is(drumroll please) is SECURITY. Now I must say amongst all the things we will want and need from a man, Security is by far at the damn near tip of the iceberg. No I am not speaking of “financially” security… paying my bills, buy me gucci….. its something so incredibly simple; Emotionally and Mental security.
Ahhhhhhhh yes security..the feeling of being safe. Not so much physically but right now we are speaking of “Emotional Security”. Not all dangers come in the physical form, some of our greatest fears can come from emotional dangers; being hurt emotionally. Security is a peace you have in your relationship where trust is at the forefront along with communication. You don’t have to question a thing pertaining to feelings, directions and goals for the relationship. All this has been established and both parties are on the same page (sounds amazing right??)
Scenario – You’ve met someone, You begin to casually date one another and spend time together. Now you’ve become intimate.. let’s say quicker than some 30- 60 day rule (no you are not a whore) your feelings begin the grow because hey, on what planet could a woman date a man, actually like him , become intimate with him and NOT want more from it? (I’ll wait ) THAT DOESN’T EXIST Btw. One day you began to panic and think “omg what are we”, “what is this?, is this going anywhere ?” The mere fact that you haven’t established anything with said potential mate, you now are caught in that murky shade of Grey.
Now something may have happened; a slight behavioral change from Mr Beau that sparks the questioning, maybe he didn’t return a call when said (I bet he’s with a b*tch) maybe you find yourself over his house only after 10 pm … (⚠️ caution fuckship approaching straight ahead.) You look back and majority of the “quality time” spent has been when the moon was out. Granted you’ve gone on a couple sunlit dates but majority of the time is at night . Your goal is a relationship but you ended up being a glorified fuck buddy.. getting only enough that is needed to keep the interest flowing. (Overly Dramatic longgggggg sigh) Now no-one is saying anything needs to be rushed, theres isn’t a need to speed in jumping into a relationship BUT along the ride of whatever you may call this both people need to feel comfortable. Discomfort causes a reaction, discomfort is never good in any relationship because you tend to begin to panic is a sense, and with panic something drastic could happen (like doing a drive-by on your mates house to ease your mind….don’t do it)
Ok we spoke about the possible behavioral change that could have occurred but what about you? What about you and your increasing feelings, your desire to want more from you potential beau?Increasing feelings can incite fear for some who just aren’t used to having those feelings and god forbid those feelings take off like a bat out of hell to crazyville!
So how does one obtain security in a situation/relationship? I’ll summarize it with;
Time/attention- Dedicating time for one another either in person, phone calls or even silly text messages throughout the day just to let them know “hey you’re thought of”.
Effort- A person needs to feel like they hold some sort of importance in their Beau’s life, having the feeling of being some type of priority in their lives does wonders to easing the mind, the body and the soul…we want to be stress free.
Communication- Being on the same page, having a good yet possibly great friendship where you aren’t afraid to tell each other anything. What makes you happy, sad…what you don’t like that they do. Be subtle in your approach, make a joke out of it initially so you don’t always need to have these “serious” moments.
Lets be honest, no-one wants to be made a fool right? No-one wants to feel like their time, effort or feelings aren’t appreciated and respected. If you feel yourself having the feelings of discomfort you have two options; 1. you could vocalize your feelings and thoughts in the hopes to influencing (not forcing) a change or 2. you can choose to walk away if you feel that after all the conversations you still aren’t comfortable in how things are going.
But whatever you do, do not let the discomfort cause you to act out of character and throw a hail mary of crazy because you feel like you could be a victim of being played. Put the Henny down, step away from the mobile device and just BREATHE lol, get back to rational thinking.