The obvious contradiction of the title sparks the thought of “How could it be unconditional love when there are conditions ? The majority of those wanting to be in a healthy and strong relationship have the goal of finding a love that is unconditional, never wavering throughout any storm or adversity….but do we truly understand what it means to love and accept unconditionally?
Throughout life we all seek to do things that creates comfort and pleasure in our lives, we are molded through trials and tribulations and adapt to change in order to maintain homeostasis in our life. Let’s try this imagery: you’re walking on a straight line, casual pace with no sense or urgency, balanced, placing one foot in front of the next as planned… you get to a point where either the line has segments of curves and twist or worst: something knocks you so hard you almost fall completely off the line. That line is love…
The straight line is perfect, the “conditions” in which you walk one foot in front of the next on that perfectly straight line is “perfect” . You find comfort in predictability, you find comfort in the IDEA of comfortability…..but what if the conditions change? I haven’t met one person that didn’t aspire to have a perfect love with no problems or unexpected negative events that could affect the relationship and for that we are truly setting ourselves for a rude awakening.
So I ask ” what are YOUR conditions in achieving and maintaining love?” Does he need to be 6’5, chocolate, muscular, 6 figure income, no kids with no baby mama drama, must go to church, must have 9 inches of wood and love the arts? Does she need to be 5’6, light skin with long genetically gifted hair, perky breast, phat ass that jiggles to the beat of your imaginary drum, cook, clean, suck you 7 different ways a night, makes excellent money, no kids and no baby daddy issues?
Where do YOU throw in the towel to say ” That’s a deal breaker “? What are the conditions that need to be met for you to be able to give unconditional love?
He’s 6’5, nice build, believes in God almighty , is soooo in tune to your mental, emotional, spiritual and physicals needs, you see a future, you see longevity, you see the image of you walking down the isle towards the King of your heart until he tells you he doesn’t have the greatest job nor does he make enough money… (shattered glass in the background) would this be a deal breaker to a man you actually began falling for? How about if he has 2 kids from a previous relationship , is that a deal breaker for ” Mr perfect” ?
It is well within our rights to like what we like and accept what we want but perhaps our standards should really only be preferences when it comes to being open. Standards are what we NEED to be there, preferences is what we WANT to be there, let’s not confuse the two.
We are born with a nervous system equipped to “flight or fight” , I know we’ve all learned this in our 8th grade science class where your body responds to adversity by FIGHTING OR FLEEING. Something happens , you become scared , you’re uncomfortable and the unpredictability is just too much to handle. So just as our body naturally is built to do we make this choice mentally quite often when it comes to relationships: Do you stay and fight or do you run?
Love could never be perfect and in order for anything to become stronger it must be tested. It is bent and pushed and pulled and burned and tossed but the goal is to never break and lose the footing on the line. In order to find love you must not only open your hearts but you must first open your mind in order to give it a chance in a not so perfect situation. Being closed minded we pass up on a lot of potentially great people and great things because we are unable to see their beauty.
You say you want it but are you truly ready to give unconditional love to another loving soul? Are you willing to love them through all of their flaws? Could you love someone that is at their worst or when your great turns to bad?
If you are blessed enough to achieve such a love, you protect it and you fight for it, appreciate and cherish it , live in the moments of that love and truly take it all in.